Today there were articles from various news outlets (credible ones, mind you) that were reporting that the Octo-mom who recently had 8 babies (in addition to her previous 6) was being offered a cool 1 million dollars to make a porn video. I swear, it's true. If you don't believe me, google it :)
My first reaction to such reports was "good God, who on earth would want to see that psychotic looking women who has had 16 babies make a porn film?!" But once I had a chance to think about it and set my exasperation aside, I couldn't help but see where the porn people are coming from.
I don't pretend to know the first thing about the Adult Film Industry. But any facet of the entertainment industry that puts such thought into the title of their films (Debbie Does Dallas, and so on) must put just as much thought into who stars in them.
Question of the day: What would the Octo-Mom's film be called? Perhaps "Octo-Mom Makes More Magic" would be appropriate. (I'll be honest, I have a few other suggestions, but this is a family blog!!)
More upsetting than the prospect of having West suggest we rent such a film was the discussion I had with a very good friend. I had hoped to get offered such an an amount for my services as a multiple rearing porn star. But alas, it doesn't seem to be in the cards as my friend suggested I'd be worth only 1/2 that amount having Quads. Talk about disappointment. I truly did think that my lack of "the crazies" would offset our only having four instead of eight.
:)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I'm thrilled to be pregnant. Really, I am. We worked so hard to get here, and I'm so grateful to finally have the outcome we so desperately wanted. What I don't like is that the whole experience has been incredibly anti-climactic with the distinct resemblance to that of a crappy roller coaster.
Unfortunately, today was a continuation of the emotional roller coaster and we're left feeling no better, no more excited and more confused.
This morning we did have yet another doctor's appt in which they drew blood (how much of my blood do they need?!) and did another ultrasound. After pep talks from various nurses assuring both Weston and myself that my outrageous hormones were normal we had our ultrasound. Today, we had an audience. Apparently, high order multiples are rare at our fertility clinic. So rare, that the nurses actually whisper about us as we walk by, and come in during the ultrasound to see for themselves. They also pass on their condolences to us for being part of such a horrid event. The only problem is, Weston and I don't really think it's so horrid. ( I will say that it's actually quite amusing to see faces as we walk by and have them look at us with pity, as if we were just witness to a death in the family.)
So, needless to say all four babies were seen today, functioning as they should and looking much bigger than last week. They are all measuring normally, aside from baby number 4 who is still a day or two behind and who's gestational sac is a tad on the smaller side. Yet it's still managing to grow on par with the other three. We were once again surprised to see baby number 4 thriving, as we have been told all along that it would be the one to not make it. It was, in all honesty a bittersweet surprise. We're thrilled to have our four babies still with us, yet apprehensive about how carrying quadruplets will effect my health and the babies themselves.
We knew that the first issue the doctor would bring up would be that of selective reduction (again). As we told our doctor, it's not an option unless my health is at risk, or one of the babies has a fatal abnormality which would prevent it from living outside the womb or whose presence would harm the others in-utero. I'm really having such a hard time wrapping my head around the choice to purposefully removing one or two of the children we literally went through hell for. It seems so insane and even more unfair. Why should we be asked to do such a thing without having any other knowledge to morally and ethically make the best decision?
So, to feel as though we're going through the process as appropriately as possible, we decided to make an appointment to see a perineonatologist. In addition to genetic counselling, we'll have genetic testing done on all of the babies to ensure they are all healthy. Part of feeling like we're doing the best for our children is making sure that they are well taken care of. Should any of them have issues that can be addressed now or immediately following birth, we'll be better prepared to deal with whatever the outcome may be. The genetic testing will also allow us to know, (much earlier on) if we do in fact need to prepare for the loss of a child. Knowing may not make it any easier but it will certainly give us peace of mind that we did everything we could to give hope to each one of them.
Talk about a Debby Downer post, huh?
Really, I do believe that it will all work out. I am just so looking forward to the excitement part...When we can start dreaming about the babies without having to worry that one of them won't be a part of our reality.
Next doctor's appointment is next Thursday. The Thursday after that is the Perineonatologist. We'll keep everyone posted :)
Unfortunately, today was a continuation of the emotional roller coaster and we're left feeling no better, no more excited and more confused.
This morning we did have yet another doctor's appt in which they drew blood (how much of my blood do they need?!) and did another ultrasound. After pep talks from various nurses assuring both Weston and myself that my outrageous hormones were normal we had our ultrasound. Today, we had an audience. Apparently, high order multiples are rare at our fertility clinic. So rare, that the nurses actually whisper about us as we walk by, and come in during the ultrasound to see for themselves. They also pass on their condolences to us for being part of such a horrid event. The only problem is, Weston and I don't really think it's so horrid. ( I will say that it's actually quite amusing to see faces as we walk by and have them look at us with pity, as if we were just witness to a death in the family.)
So, needless to say all four babies were seen today, functioning as they should and looking much bigger than last week. They are all measuring normally, aside from baby number 4 who is still a day or two behind and who's gestational sac is a tad on the smaller side. Yet it's still managing to grow on par with the other three. We were once again surprised to see baby number 4 thriving, as we have been told all along that it would be the one to not make it. It was, in all honesty a bittersweet surprise. We're thrilled to have our four babies still with us, yet apprehensive about how carrying quadruplets will effect my health and the babies themselves.
We knew that the first issue the doctor would bring up would be that of selective reduction (again). As we told our doctor, it's not an option unless my health is at risk, or one of the babies has a fatal abnormality which would prevent it from living outside the womb or whose presence would harm the others in-utero. I'm really having such a hard time wrapping my head around the choice to purposefully removing one or two of the children we literally went through hell for. It seems so insane and even more unfair. Why should we be asked to do such a thing without having any other knowledge to morally and ethically make the best decision?
So, to feel as though we're going through the process as appropriately as possible, we decided to make an appointment to see a perineonatologist. In addition to genetic counselling, we'll have genetic testing done on all of the babies to ensure they are all healthy. Part of feeling like we're doing the best for our children is making sure that they are well taken care of. Should any of them have issues that can be addressed now or immediately following birth, we'll be better prepared to deal with whatever the outcome may be. The genetic testing will also allow us to know, (much earlier on) if we do in fact need to prepare for the loss of a child. Knowing may not make it any easier but it will certainly give us peace of mind that we did everything we could to give hope to each one of them.
Talk about a Debby Downer post, huh?
Really, I do believe that it will all work out. I am just so looking forward to the excitement part...When we can start dreaming about the babies without having to worry that one of them won't be a part of our reality.
Next doctor's appointment is next Thursday. The Thursday after that is the Perineonatologist. We'll keep everyone posted :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Maybe We Are a Freak Show.
There are moments when I look at my husband in complete adoration. Really, it's true. He's handsome, insanely intelligent, quite funny and so on. I have these moments when he's talking to me and I'm just overcome with awe. I stare at his face, and admire his features and think "this person is MY husband and he chose me." Then, just as there are moments of adoration and admiration, there are moments when I look at my husband and I want to strangle him. Today I had one of the latter moments.
As a note: If you have an obscenely hormonal wife, it's best to to ignore your Blackberry when meeting with the doctor. Actually, it's best for you both that you just turn it off. Better yet, leave it in the car. . I know the temptation to pick it up will overcome you and the outcome won't be pretty. So, save her the embarrassment of having to apologize to the doctor for her outburst ("Turn that F*C%$#G phone off before I throw it out the window") and save yourself from the ensuing fight that's bound to take place on the way home.
Did I say in the last post that we weren't a freak show?! Perhaps I should reexamine such a thought after today's display of craziness.
Anyway, as you've likely gathered by now, Weston and I had another doctors appointment today. This was purely a check up on baby number four. On Monday it hadn't had a heartbeat and was measuring quite a bit behind the three others. Because of that, we weren't expecting good or even neutral news regarding its (I feel so bad calling my child an "it") progress. We went in with no expectations and were floored to find that baby number four actually had a heartbeat. The prognosis isn't great, as it's still measuring quite a bit behind. But for the moment we have four babies. I will say that it seems sort of cruel when you think about it; to find out about a fourth child and then have everyone tell you to prepare to lose it.
I'll be honest here. West and I never thought that we'd be blessed with the chance to have 4 more children right now. When we transferred four embryos, we were given a 65% chance of having ONE child. The chance of having multiples was slim. We knew that having high order multiples is not something good fertility specialists strive for (take note crazy doctor to crazy octuplet mom) and we knew it could be dangerous for the mother and the children. But with that in mind, we knew getting pregnant with more than one child was a possibility, albeit a slim one. We knew the risks and we knew we were taking chances.
A lot of the emotion that we are both dealing with now is not from the prospect of having four more children, but from the prospect of having to lose one. It's coming from the numerous conversations with doctors and nurses at our clinic telling us that a loss of number 4 would explicitly be the best scenario. They've also mentioned that should it not happen naturally that we use a process called "selective reduction." You'll have to pardon my belligerent attitude when I say who are they to tell us that the loss of a child would likely be the best scenario? We're a mere 7 weeks pregnant. We have no idea how this will all turn out and for the moment, I'm healthy, the babies are healthy and that's all that should matter.
Our next appointment is on Tuesday and apparently we'll have a better idea of what's going on. It's a waiting game. A painfully crappy waiting game. But I know in the end it will all be worth it.
As a note: If you have an obscenely hormonal wife, it's best to to ignore your Blackberry when meeting with the doctor. Actually, it's best for you both that you just turn it off. Better yet, leave it in the car. . I know the temptation to pick it up will overcome you and the outcome won't be pretty. So, save her the embarrassment of having to apologize to the doctor for her outburst ("Turn that F*C%$#G phone off before I throw it out the window") and save yourself from the ensuing fight that's bound to take place on the way home.
Did I say in the last post that we weren't a freak show?! Perhaps I should reexamine such a thought after today's display of craziness.
Anyway, as you've likely gathered by now, Weston and I had another doctors appointment today. This was purely a check up on baby number four. On Monday it hadn't had a heartbeat and was measuring quite a bit behind the three others. Because of that, we weren't expecting good or even neutral news regarding its (I feel so bad calling my child an "it") progress. We went in with no expectations and were floored to find that baby number four actually had a heartbeat. The prognosis isn't great, as it's still measuring quite a bit behind. But for the moment we have four babies. I will say that it seems sort of cruel when you think about it; to find out about a fourth child and then have everyone tell you to prepare to lose it.
I'll be honest here. West and I never thought that we'd be blessed with the chance to have 4 more children right now. When we transferred four embryos, we were given a 65% chance of having ONE child. The chance of having multiples was slim. We knew that having high order multiples is not something good fertility specialists strive for (take note crazy doctor to crazy octuplet mom) and we knew it could be dangerous for the mother and the children. But with that in mind, we knew getting pregnant with more than one child was a possibility, albeit a slim one. We knew the risks and we knew we were taking chances.
A lot of the emotion that we are both dealing with now is not from the prospect of having four more children, but from the prospect of having to lose one. It's coming from the numerous conversations with doctors and nurses at our clinic telling us that a loss of number 4 would explicitly be the best scenario. They've also mentioned that should it not happen naturally that we use a process called "selective reduction." You'll have to pardon my belligerent attitude when I say who are they to tell us that the loss of a child would likely be the best scenario? We're a mere 7 weeks pregnant. We have no idea how this will all turn out and for the moment, I'm healthy, the babies are healthy and that's all that should matter.
Our next appointment is on Tuesday and apparently we'll have a better idea of what's going on. It's a waiting game. A painfully crappy waiting game. But I know in the end it will all be worth it.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Hindsight is always 20/20.
I've had numerous people ask if I'd start writing a blog. I've also had people ask if we'll try and get a show on TLC. Given the choices, I'll opt for the blog and try to keep the gawking to a minimum. After all, we aren't a freak show.
I titled this post "Hindsight is always 20/20" because I thought it may have been better to have started blogging at the beginning of our journey through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). After some thought though, I came to realize that you likely wouldn't want a daily dose of how extremely hormonal (IE psychotic) I was, or just how much I hated being poked with needles. You also didn't want to hear the occasional indignant rants I'd have about my sincere displeasure with...well...everything. Having to endure the modern fertility torture known as assisted reproductive technology made no sense. My first two children came so easily. And for that, I was bitter.
So, after all of the hormonal fits of rage, and after the hundreds of needles I have endured (and my husband has enjoyed giving, I'm sure) we are here. Located squarely within the point of no return, pregnant with FOUR beautiful babies.
Yes, four.
Weston and I had already had one failed IVF attempt. Our second, which began in the middle of December ended with a positive beta pregnancy test on February 5th. That afternoon, we found out that our beta level was a whopping 1594. To give you an idea, the average beta level for a pregnant woman at the same stage I was at was a mere 288. Needless to say, we immediately thought multiples.
The following week, while Weston was away I had my first ultrasound. There, the ultrasound tech found three embryos, comfortably attached and growing. Her last comment was "Well, you know, we could always find one more!" I had expected that at least two of the four of our transferred embryos would make it. Weston had always said three. Neither one of us believed that anything more was possible. We were only given a 65% chance of having a singleton...Becoming pregnant with three would be virtually unheard of. Becoming Pregnant with four would be downright miraculous.
After a week, we finally wrapped our heads around the news and gradually eased in to the fact that we would be the parents to FIVE children. Jake and Owen from my first marriage, and the three new little beans hanging out in-utero. With the excitement starting to build, I practically skipped to my second ultrasound yesterday anxious to see the babies, and their heartbeats.
Once again, Weston was away and I was off to the appointment solo. My only thoughts were "make sure I get pictures to show West when he gets home" and "please let them all have heartbeats." As I laid on that table with the nurse pointing out our babies (and their heartbeats!) I could feel all of the nervousness and apprehension about our capabilities just melt away. And it was at that point the same nurse who showed me our three babies the week before say "well, this week....we have a fourth."
I'd like to say my reply was thoughtful and sincere. It wasn't. I believe my words were "Holy crap, are you serious?!"
Of course Weston's reaction was my first concern. Why, I have no idea. His motto is always"the more the merrier." I got the pictures from the nurse, and gazed at our four tiny babies once more. Then I picked my jaw up off the floor, wiped the tears from my face and marched out of there as quickly as possible to call my husband. After I made sure he was sitting down I told him the news. He was ecstatic.
It's not that I'm not thrilled to have such blessings, because I am. But I am not allowing myself to get excited just yet. We just don't know what's going to happen or how this will all turn out. It really is just too early to tell anything. So for now, my focus is on keeping the babies safe as best as we can and on continuing to give Jake and Owen a normal life no matter how tired or cranky or sick I am.
With that introduction, I welcome you to follow our footsteps as we walk (let's be honest, I'll be waddling) down the road to multiples. The more the merrier :)
I titled this post "Hindsight is always 20/20" because I thought it may have been better to have started blogging at the beginning of our journey through IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). After some thought though, I came to realize that you likely wouldn't want a daily dose of how extremely hormonal (IE psychotic) I was, or just how much I hated being poked with needles. You also didn't want to hear the occasional indignant rants I'd have about my sincere displeasure with...well...everything. Having to endure the modern fertility torture known as assisted reproductive technology made no sense. My first two children came so easily. And for that, I was bitter.
So, after all of the hormonal fits of rage, and after the hundreds of needles I have endured (and my husband has enjoyed giving, I'm sure) we are here. Located squarely within the point of no return, pregnant with FOUR beautiful babies.
Yes, four.
Weston and I had already had one failed IVF attempt. Our second, which began in the middle of December ended with a positive beta pregnancy test on February 5th. That afternoon, we found out that our beta level was a whopping 1594. To give you an idea, the average beta level for a pregnant woman at the same stage I was at was a mere 288. Needless to say, we immediately thought multiples.
The following week, while Weston was away I had my first ultrasound. There, the ultrasound tech found three embryos, comfortably attached and growing. Her last comment was "Well, you know, we could always find one more!" I had expected that at least two of the four of our transferred embryos would make it. Weston had always said three. Neither one of us believed that anything more was possible. We were only given a 65% chance of having a singleton...Becoming pregnant with three would be virtually unheard of. Becoming Pregnant with four would be downright miraculous.
After a week, we finally wrapped our heads around the news and gradually eased in to the fact that we would be the parents to FIVE children. Jake and Owen from my first marriage, and the three new little beans hanging out in-utero. With the excitement starting to build, I practically skipped to my second ultrasound yesterday anxious to see the babies, and their heartbeats.
Once again, Weston was away and I was off to the appointment solo. My only thoughts were "make sure I get pictures to show West when he gets home" and "please let them all have heartbeats." As I laid on that table with the nurse pointing out our babies (and their heartbeats!) I could feel all of the nervousness and apprehension about our capabilities just melt away. And it was at that point the same nurse who showed me our three babies the week before say "well, this week....we have a fourth."
I'd like to say my reply was thoughtful and sincere. It wasn't. I believe my words were "Holy crap, are you serious?!"
Of course Weston's reaction was my first concern. Why, I have no idea. His motto is always"the more the merrier." I got the pictures from the nurse, and gazed at our four tiny babies once more. Then I picked my jaw up off the floor, wiped the tears from my face and marched out of there as quickly as possible to call my husband. After I made sure he was sitting down I told him the news. He was ecstatic.
It's not that I'm not thrilled to have such blessings, because I am. But I am not allowing myself to get excited just yet. We just don't know what's going to happen or how this will all turn out. It really is just too early to tell anything. So for now, my focus is on keeping the babies safe as best as we can and on continuing to give Jake and Owen a normal life no matter how tired or cranky or sick I am.
With that introduction, I welcome you to follow our footsteps as we walk (let's be honest, I'll be waddling) down the road to multiples. The more the merrier :)
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